5 Signs Your Past Relationship is Holding You Back

One of the hardest things for many of us is to let go of past relationships. On some level, we hold onto the hope that we will fall back in love with that person again. Dating becomes a mundane act of going through the motions. If your past relationship are holding you back then you may feel like dating is not worth the effort or that pursuing a relationship further is not in your best interest. Not sure if this sounds like you? Here are five signs to check for.

1. The Ex Fantasy – How often are you thinking about your ex? Do you regularly dream or day dream about him? Do you think of ways or hope that you will run into on another? Are you actively planning the conversation that you will have? Putting this energy into thinking about your ex is a clear sign that you are not over him.

2. The Ex Talk – No one wants to feel like they need to live up to a certain standard that has been set by someone else. That is exactly what happens when you consistently talk about your ex. Unless you’ve been divorced or your past lover is deceased, there are very few occasions when it is really appropriate to talk about your ex.

3. You Are Dating for the Wrong Reasons – The first response when a relationship doesn’t end the way you want it to is revenge. People think that they should date someone who is “better” than their ex because it will make their ex jealous. You are dating with a vendetta when you do this and it is unfair to the person you are with. More importantly, if that is how you are trying to get your ex back then chances are you don’t need to be with that person anyways.

4. You Compare Your Relationships – Every relationship you have will be different. We are all different people. A common indicator that you are hung up on your past is that you constantly compare your new partner and your new relationship to your old ones. This behavior can lead to unrealistic expectations and resentment. In order to have a happy relationship, you need to focus on living in the present and focusing your energy on your new love.

5. You Don’t Want to Move On – It might be hard to admit, but you might not want to move on. For some, it is easier to wallow in the pain of the past than to think about moving on to something better in the future. When you are stuck in your past relationship, you simply are not ready or willing to move past the pain and disappointment. Everyone needs their own time to grieve but if you are in this stage, do not bring other people down by jumping into a new relationship that you are not ready for.

The past will always have a funny way of creeping up on you. By keeping your focus on the present, you can deter it from sabotaging your relationship before it even has a chance to bloom.